After my last post on insecurity, I've had a difficult time deciding what to say next. Though I am not done defining insecurity, I wanted to jump right in to the solutions. But I've decided that in order to really overcome something, we have to understand its roots first. So here goes:
Insecurity is a battlefield of the mind.
We also are constantly speaking to ourselves, and the things we say are often negative. “I’m a terrible writer.” “I’ll probably never write that book I used to dream of writing as a teenager.” “Nobody thinks about me or cares.” “I’m worthless.” “I don’t have any special skills or talents.” “I am not pretty.” “I am a bad mother, housekeeper, and wife.” “I’m getting old.” Blah blah blah blah blah. On it goes, until I beat myself down into an insecure mess. It’s a broken record of negativity that we keep saying to ourselves and we have to stop! But we can’t just take those thoughts and shove them down into a deep hole somewhere, they come right back. We have to replace them with truth. These negative thoughts are lies. And they are not you. When we find ourselves talking negatively, we just need to stop it! Easier said than done. Sometimes when I am beating myself up with negativity, I just have to remember this person’s advice and laugh: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ow0lr63y4Mw. Go watch it, but don’t forget to come back and read the rest of my article!
Insecurity is about needing love.
The times in my life when I’ve struggled the most with insecurity are also the times I have felt the least loved. Every human being needs love. We were created this way for a purpose. And I believe the reason we all need love so much, is because we need God. God is love! When we really come to know this with every fiber of our being, we are radically transformed! The greatest example of love is to give one’s life for another. And that is exactly what Jesus did for us right? His death on the cross was for us. He paid for our sins so that we could have a relationship with Him. His great love reaches out to us every single day we are given breath and life, and beauty and relationships! Jesus said, “love one another as I have loved you.” He intends for us to love each other with the same radical, unconditional self-sacrificing love he modeled for us. But as imperfect beings, we often fall short of this great love. And we hurt each other. And we cause insecurity in each other. We have to keep working at it. But we also need to understand that in our lives the only completely one hundred percent reliable chance we have of receiving unconditional love comes from God. And He is the perfect love! I know this in my head, so why do I still struggle sometimes? I think it is because I fail to put flesh and feet to my relationship to God. I can’t see God, so the people with flesh and bones and feet that I can see become more significant for me to earn their love and approval. The best way I know of to put flesh and feet to God is to pursue an intimate, personal relationship with him. The most significant thing I think you can do is to keep a journal and read the Bible every day, talking to Him and recording the things you learn from Him. I also recommend getting involved in a Bible teaching church and getting to know some other believers in Christ. Through a relationship with Christ , instead of trying to earn love, we learn it is freely given to us.
Abiding in the love of Christ is the foundation of a secure heart. There are some practical tools to overcoming insecurity that I will be talking about later, but without this foundation of a relationship with Jesus, your security will be based on self. And I am afraid that it just may not last.
Up next: overcoming insecurity